Chin Up. Move On. Great Advice, but How?

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I admit it, I enjoyed a pity party for a couple of days. Being disappointed that I didn’t win the title of Mrs. Utah (I was 1st Runner Up) was a reality I wasn’t prepared for. Not that I thought I was better than any other competitor, I just planned and prepared to win and believed it was possible, so honestly I was surprised when it didn’t happen. I’ve been in a bit of shock for a few days. The following post might amaze you…you might even laugh how hard it has been for me to “get over it” but, I feel it’s important to share my experience, we don’t always get what we wish for but it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t shoot for the moon anyhow!

On Monday I turned to my friend and mentor Heather Madder for some insights and direction and she suggested I allow myself to feel the emotions and learn from them. Feeling the depth of my disappointment just reinforced how focused I was and that I had put my heart and soul into the journey and wanted the opportunity to serve, so of course, it’s not easy to choose a different ending in the pageant fairytale. I know that if I hadn’t given it my “all”, I wouldn’t have gained the intensity of blessings and gifts training and preparing offered. Some of the competitors had a “I don’t want to be disappointed so I’m not going to plan to win” attitude and that never set well with me. When I decided to go for it, I didn’t think of anything else, so as a result I’ve had to shift gears mentally.

The first thing I’ve had to do was separate my experience from the results. MY EXPERIENCE was incredible, 100%. No regrets!! When I was in the interview, on stage, and following the feeling in my heart was that I did my very best and to not allow myself to be critical of myself and diminish the experience because it truly was a beautiful night, and I was filled with love, light, and joy like never before. I had NO fears, only peace!! I felt only love for and from the audience and judges, I felt deeply moved by the support of family, friends, prayers on my behalf, sponsors, and those who I didn’t know who were cheering for me as well! I focused on “winning every moment” and that, I can honestly say I did.

I recognize and appreciate that my “Make a Wish, Make it Happen” attitude is perfect for giving me the strength and ability to accomplish something new, something challenging, and something foreign to me (including pageants). They say it is easier to motivate someone (or yourself) to do something difficult than something mediocre, so in my case I really had to “shoot for the moon” to believe I could win and created the possibility through my approach and got the best mentoring and training for it. Wayne Dyer says create the conditions for your ideal circumstances to exist/ for your (goal) to be fulfilled and I did that over and over again in my mind and with the preparations (mock interviews, practices, etc.) Without this intensity I would not have been ready for the experience that was waiting for me to enjoy and would not have been a serious competitor.

While initially it wasn’t easy, I took Heather’s advice and got outside of my head and into my heart and started listening to my Spirit… I ask God to teach me, to help me to understand more deeply… recalling the gifts and blessings I had already received and recognized before the pageant even started and then the ones that came during the process helped me have a new perspective on the journey and writing down my insights down was helpful.

I took time to be alone and think.

I turned on my favorite music/ipod playlist (thank you Josh Groban!!) and drove through back roads and allowed myself to get lost. On my drive I enjoyed seeing baby farm animals and the stillness of nature.

I allowed myself to eat a few healthy treats. I ate Soy Delicious ice cream and xocai chocolate and even made chocolate chip cookies made with garbanzo beans (Deceptively Delicious cookbook) and drank a lot of water. I exercised. I slept. I went on a walk with my kids. I read my scriptures and other spiritual uplifting messages/talks/books. I pulled weeds, a lot of weeds. I cried. I babysat a friends’ kids for several hours and played outside. I called some friends. Some friends called me. I browsed through a fun shop. I watched a movie. I accepted compliments and didn’t disregard congratulations for being 1st Runner Up. I allowed myself to enjoy the feeling of success when a neighbor called or a friend said, “You should be really proud of your accomplishment.”

I tried to remember my life one year ago when I would never have been a candidate for 1st Runner Up. I could hardly finish a 5k last summer. I considered how 3 months ago I was 14 pounds heavier and wore a size 6/8…and was embarrassed of my flabby upper arms. I AM proud of where I am now. Today I wore size 4 jeans, my clothes fit great. I can do push ups easily now, working out is pleasure instead of a pain, and I crave a gluten-free, unprocessed food diet…I feel clean and lighter inside and out. I have a beautiful relationship with God and trust Him. I am a courageous woman. I have confidence in a bathing suit. I live the life of my dreams.

I also realized there’s some advantages to not winning the title. I can go on vacation and not stress about nationals. I can have a baby this year and not worry about what I’ll look like 9 months pregnant. I can focus more fully on growing Startup Princess. I can create my path for the next year 100%.

I considered how pageants and other contests with judges are not the same as other things in life that you set out to “win” like a book for example. If I set a goal to write one, no one is going to tell me that it can’t be published, I can publish it myself if it got rejected

I considered all of the other things in life I’ve “lost” and how it made the “wins” even sweeter. I lost several elections in junior high and high school so when I won Student Body President it was really rewarding.

I listened to a friend today who has deep sadness in her heart for the loss of a loved one and I realized that my emotions were silly and no longer serving me, that I really did need to take my friend Jason’s advice. “Chin Up. Move on!!” There are much more important things in life!

Perhaps the best thing I’m starting to do now is allowing myself to create a new dream. I got a new journal today that says on the cover, “Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars…” Sounds perfect, don’t you think? Love it. Believe it!

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