The Power of Negotiating: for those who feel a little timid…

Negotiating can feel like a daunting, necessary evil of doing business. Something you might feel ill equipped and intimated by… the truth is, you do it every day. Have you ever had to talk your husband into coming home early so you could work late or go out with friends? How about getting your child to eat a dinner he thinks is “yucky?” How about rounding up a committee to put together a carnival at the school or dinner at your church? Really, we negotiate for what we want all the time; and whether its with a 5-year old or a manufacturing CEO the same skills apply.

1. Know Your Story

You need to know who you are and what you want. Why would someone want to work or partner with you? Can you articulate your goals for this project and the big picture? Have someone you trust ask you these questions and practice “fleshing out” the answers until you’re comfortable saying them and they roll right off your tongue.

2. Know Their WIIFM

We’ve all heard of the radio station WIIFM (What’s In It For Me?). Going into a negotiation understanding everyone asks that question will help you feel more prepared and not take offense if they actually ask the question out loud. Take time and make an effort before your meetings/conversations to understand why what you’re proposing works for the other side. It’s impossible to present a Win-Win if you don’t know what they consider a Win.

3. Know the Rules

Be willing to get in the game. Most people expect the negotiation process to include offers and counter-offers and more often than not, several meetings. Be prepared with several layers of compromise and expect that they are too. I’ve often found that as a part of this process, synergy takes over, and a better idea than either of you on your own could have created, is the result.

4. Know Your Walkaway

If you don’t have a walk away the situation is more likely a sales pitch, rather than a negotiation. Your walk-away is the point where you would rather not do the deal than accept what they are offering. If you don’t know that point, or have one going into your conversation, then you may as well just hand it over. You will feel more empowered in the process if you have in the back of your mind a Plan B and you know there’s a point you can walk away from this negotiation to pursue it, or at least go away to sleep on it and come back to it later.

Just a few more tips…

“ Formalizing a positive conversation with a Letter of Intent is usually a good idea. It gives both parties a chance to see in writing the points of agreement and review the next steps. An LOI gives you something tangible to work from without the complications that often arise when you begin drafting the formal agreement.

“ If you’re uncomfortable in a negotiation, trust your gut. It’s been my experience that people who resort to bullying, pressuring and ruthless behavior do so because they lack the skills or integrity to do business any other way. Working with people like that is seldom worth it. Trust yourself to step back, take some time, think about it and bring others into the process, if necessary. Legitimate, integral people won’t want to deny you that – so don’t give it up.

“ Get good at a pregnant pause. Too often we rush to fill up quiet space. That’s most often when we ramble or say things we wish we could take back. There’s nothing wrong with silence to let people process their thoughts and think about what to say next. Be disciplined in giving people that space and time. If you tend to talk too much try sitting in silence while you continue the conversation in your head, silently sing the ABC’s or recite a favorite quote or poem. Just a couple of minutes will give everyone the chance to think before they talk.

In fact, whether negotiating or just moving through the day, here’s one of my favorite quotes that always helps.

We become more adept at rising to the occasion each time we see ourselves doing it. Every time we cope well with whatever real life throws our way, it’s another deposit of confidence, creativity, and courage in our self-esteem account… When you need to rise to the occasion, do it with style. Do it with a knowing smile. Confound them. Astound yourself. Make it look easy, and it will become so.

Carol Rice is the creator and owner of CherishBound, a party-plan company that allows people to make and publish their own stories using their own photographs. Carol started and grew the company on a bootstrap budget, is an expert at teaching other entrepreneurs how to do the same. She is also an expert in home party sales and direct sales. She can be found on Twitter @carolrice.