Life Balance: Who Decides?

It’s probably fair to say that whenever we hear the topic of work/life balance, we all wonder if we’re doing it right.  I decided quite a while ago that because my family is who I make those efforts for, it’s best to be checking with them when I wonder how I’m doing.  (This article was written by Carol Rice of Cherish Bound and Startup Princess Fairy Godmother)

What I’ve learned as a result of those  conversations makes all the difference in the world.

Guilt Buster:  What Matters Most?

I learned that some of the things I was knocking myself out to do (or not doing and feeling terribly guilty about) really didn’t matter that much to those around me.  For example, I used to spend a lot of time ironing everyone’s clothes.  When I got behind I would beat myself up and feel overwhelmed by the pile growing in my laundry room.  My husband pointed out that he just didn’t care that much about the shirts being ironed before he pulled them out to wear, because often they would get a crease in the closet anyway and he was re-pressing the shirts more often than not.  It forced me to ask myself why I was doing something like that and who I was doing it for?  Were these expectations I’d placed on myself because of  society, my upbringing, guilt?  It’s incredibly liberating when you allow yourself to give up efforts that in the long-run just don’t matter that much to you or those closest to you.  And you just don’t know what’s important to those around you, unless you ask.

Pick A Focus:  What’s Success?

So ask your family, “What three things do I do as a mom/wife/partner (insert roles important to you) that really make you feel good?”  Then ask yourself which of those things make you feel successful, what do you enjoy or what can you work harder at?  Maybe you will find out that it isn’t so much that you slaved over a delicious dinner, but its sitting down together at least 3 or 4 times a week that really  makes all the difference.  That sure simplifies things, doesn’t it.

For Example: No Phone Zone!

Maybe some of what we do as a family will help get you started.  I asked each of my five children, ages 21 down to 11, this question recently, “What do I do that lets you know I love you?”  All of them said the same thing with an additional comment that was completely unique to them.

The first thing out of each of their mouths (and my hubby’s) is something we call, “No Phone Zone”.  Whenever someone really needs some undivided attention, they declare a “No Phone Zone” and that means no computer, no phone, no texting or anything like that for the amount of time we each decide is appropriate under the circumstances.  It put all of the control in my children’s hands to have their mom with them, undistracted, whenever they really need it.  It works both ways too…  ask my teens how many times I’ve declared a “No Phone Zone” to get a few minutes with them.

After that, each of them had their own little thing that they really liked.

My 22-year old son:  Sunday evening meals and that you include me in things happening at work.  I love sharing ideas and hearing how you solve problems, (and sometimes being part of the solution with ideas I share).

My 18-year old daughter:  That you pursuing your dreams gives me an example and permission to pursue mine.  Your work isn’t something you do away from us, so I feel like a part of it and I like that.  You’ve always still done car pools and class parties and that meant a lot to me, especially when I was little.

My 14-year old son:  Dinner together in a No Phone Zone, no matter what we eat!

My 12-year old daughter:  When you come upstairs to say good night and sit on my bed for a while and we just talk.  I love that quiet time with you.

My 10-year old son:  That you look at my art whenever I’ve drawn something new and flip through my whole art book each time.

Good thing I’m not wasting time ironing their shirts!

One Final Tip:  DWQA

When I first started working years ago, I received this advice and I’ve tried hard over the years to live by it; Depart Daily, Withdraw Weekly, Quit Quarterly and Abandon Annually.

• Depart Daily:  Each day find a way to get a few minutes alone to depart from the daily grind and meditate and think about what’s really important.
• Withdraw Weekly:  Once a week, give yourself a day to completely withdraw from the pressures and obligations of work.
• Quit Quarterly:  Once a quarter find a way to just quit for a weekend and do something fun, something you really enjoy.
• Abandon Annually:  For a week abandon all the pressures and obligations of your daily routine and recharge your batteries.

And remember, the pursuit of balance is like the pursuit of anything; as you strive for perfection in it, even if you don’t achieve perfection (and you probably won’t), you are learning and growing just because you’re trying.  The cumulative effect of your efforts will matter down the road.  All you can do each day, is your best.