Have you ever competed for something you really wanted to win? Over the years I’ve competed for many things when there was a clear “winner” such as business plan competitions, elections, sports, media opportunities,auditions and most recently Mrs. Utah when I was 1st runner up. (In case you missed it, I wrote about it here and here and here.) What about in business? Have you ever really wanted to develop a product but someone else got to it before you did? Maybe they had the funding in place before you did? Or maybe they were at a different season of life and could give their business more focus than you? How did you react? When did you “get over it”? or Have you? Have you ever made a complete transformation and become sincerely happy for someone else’s dream?
I can honestly say it’s not easy to do, particularly when you’ve put your whole heart into it for an extended period of time. When I planned and prepared to launch Princess Sweet, I came up with the concept in November 2004 before EVER hearing of a Club Libby Lu or any other such party store for girls. I was nervous just thinking about the idea because it was such a huge concept. I took it to national competitions and won 2nd place (because my concept WAS innovative then). I thought money would roll in from investors. I was convinced it was meant to be. But then I got pregnant with my 3rd baby and was sick for 9 months, didn’t do anything and lost the window of opportunity, by the time I was “ready” to move forward other stores were popping up all over the country. I was sick about it, but still none in my home state, so I did a kiosk at the mall for December 2006 and fulfilled my “wish” but by the end I HATED the demands of retail and realized I had been saved by the grace of God from a potential mistake. Fastforward falling in love with blogging here at Startup Princess…never would have dreamed I’d want to mentor women entrepreneurs, unless I’d had my own dreams first…fastforward to 2008 and a princess party store opened in my hometown with deep pockets…jealousy? Only for about 10 seconds until I remembered my joys at working from home, my joys with Startup Princess… I actually gave the owner, Susan a huge hug when I met her and thanked her for having the ability to create her dream (and mine) so my daughters and I could come enjoy a tea party.
On a personal note, I’m thinking about this topic because I finally had a breakthrough regarding being 1st Runner Up in the Mrs Utah competition 2 weeks ago. When I “lost” I felt peace and continued to feel peace but happiness that I lost? No. I had emotions of disappointment and even sadness several days later then feelings of peace returned but last weekend peace progressed to feelings of happiness, even excitement for Emily Nelson, Mrs. Utah United States 2008 and the opportunities ahead of her. Check out her beautiful ad page for the national pageant. I adored Emily from the get-go, in fact she’s the one I bonded with the most in the pageant, so this wasn’t about “loving” her, it was about being happy for her from the bottom of my heart and not coveting her title or opportunity–because even though we became friends, we were competing for the same dream. I felt conflicted about being happy for her when I lost… then finally things shifted this weekend and I am decidedly her #1 fan and will support her as much as possible. She’s dived into her role with grace and enthusiasm and already set up a non-profit organization, Project Lemonade which will serve disadvantaged children of parents who have gone/who are in prison, an incredibly worthy and important cause!
How does transformation happen for becoming sincerely happy for someone else’s dream?
1. Time. It is definitely true that time heals… of course it’s not expected to lose a championship game and have the losing team hug the winning team with joy, but in time the losing team might develop maturity and recognize that the winning team “needed it” more than they did (this was the experience of Carol Tuttle’s son shared on her Art of Manifesting CD). In my cases when I’ve “lost” time helped me distance myself from the disappointment so I could think more clearly about it.
2. Asking for understanding in my prayers. Heather Madder says, “When we present ourselves as a willing student, God never turns His back.” This has been my experience as well. James 1:5 from the Bible reads, “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.” I lean on this scripture a lot during times if despair or disappointment, or when I want enlightenment of any kind. Perspective helps!
3. Trusting God. Honestly without my faith I would not know what to do in hard circumstances! Whenever I put my trust in Him that things will work out well, I am at peace even when I’m hurting or when it doesn’t make sense. A couple of years ago a deal fell through for my husband that would have been a miracle for our family saving us from a serious financial crisis; we had prayed and worked hard for it to work but at the very last second it was not to be and the deal didn’t work, we were devastated!! I remember praying and asking God to “make it happen” with more faith than I had ever requested anything before, but it was not His will. In time we recovered financially through other opportunities and smaller deals and we understand more about the “whys” for losing the “big one.” We became more bonded as a couple in 2005-2006 than we would have otherwise and became truly aware that God does provide for us when we lean on Him.
When have you been sincerely happy for someone else and how did you do it?? Has your faith helped you with disappointments and loses? How? Should we always be happy for someone else? If not, why?
This post was written by Kelly King Anderson, Founder of Startup Princess.