Do you ever find yourself saying any of these phrases?
• “I’m sorry, but I think…”
• “I’m sorry you have to do this, but…”
• “I’m sorry to bother you with…”
• “I’m sorry, this might not be exactly what you wanted…”
It’s a fact that women apologize more frequently than men. Many times we do it just to be polite. But is it diminishing our credibility? Our power? Yes.
A talented member of my team constantly apologizes, even for situations she has no knowledge about and no control over. Another young woman, who had a different opinion from the rest of our group, began her sentence during a meeting with, “I’m sorry, but I think we could do it this way.” Just like that, she gave her power away. She weakened her point with that little word.
While “I’m sorry” CAN be very meaningful, and it should be set aside for the moments when you want to correct a situation—something you did that hurt someone’s feelings or a mistake you made—overusing the word has a diminishing effect. What happens when you really are sorry for something? Will the person on the receiving end know you mean it?
Overusing apologies makes them lose their meaning. Limit the s-word in your vocabulary. Start using strong phrases. If you bump into someone, say, “Excuse me.” Know that it’s OK to have a different opinion and express it. Don’t apologize for the things you like or don’t. And most of all, don’t use “sorry” as your linguistic crutch. You can overcome this self-effacing mechanism by being conscious of it.
Kaira Rouda is the bestselling author of Real You Incorporated: 8 Essentials for Women Entrepreneurs, president of Real Living and founder of Real You. For more business advice, sign up for her tip of the week, delivered to your inbox each Friday! To learn more, visit www.KairaRouda.com, follow her on Twitter, and connect with her on Facebook!
What a great post! I’ve been trying to be more aware of this when I write emails also.
Thanks for the reminder.
I completely agree. My mom would apologize for breathing if you let her.
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I agree with Ms. Rouda – many; perhaps most women should be more assertive and less apologetic about factors out of their control.
However, becoming unapologetic and authoritarian would make great women just as bad as the men they are superior to in so many ways. Specifically, I am thinking of the customer service fiasco often created by overly-strict policies and procedures that prevent the front-line or operational people from doing the right thing.
Yes, that is ‘out of control’ of the person (but it shouldn’t be – they should have the empowerment to do the right thing, but almost never do…whole ‘nother rant.), but if they feel as badly about being put in the position to provide bad service as I do about being provided bad service, a sincere apology is a statement of empathy, not submissiveness. And at that point, I have empathy for the person too, since I then know that they know how far the organization has its head shoved into a dark place. That apology is a heartfelt sharing of co-misery at that point of poor service at the hand of inane and inflexible ‘process.’
So true. I forget how often I make apologies for what I need. I want to speak and act confidently but loose all my power with two words.
Thanks, for a great article, Kaira!
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Kaira Rouda, smart ass gifts. smart ass gifts said: RT @kairarouda: I wrote this awhile ago, but it's true! Don't apologize so often! @startupprincess Apology Not Accepted http://bit.ly/cOi4FL [...]
Thank you for this post…. Very Interesting!
Just this morning i apologized to my father for an incident that happened a few days ago. I thought well, i’ll apologize to him.
Not really convinced it was my fault.
“Dad, I’m Sorry, Please forgive me”
He looked at me asif saying great now i got you..
he started yelling and screaming about how this and that.. didn’t even make sense. he just over reacted. I stayed quiet.
Picked my son up, turned around and left..
I felt Soooo Weak!
I’m not saying to say sorry isn’t good sometimes, but it does give you this weakening feeling..
Thank you for reading
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